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(no subject) [Jun. 18th, 2007|03:09 pm]
[Current Location |My office]
[mood |deviousdevious]
[music |Odd new age shit from Micah's computer]

Alrighty well I need to get back into the swing of this here journal. I say this now, but I am sure that my next entry won't be for another 6 months. I shall do my best.

Let's see, I just started a new job about a month ago. It's at a doctors office, and I am also working with my friend Micah again, which makes me very happy. I really like it here so far. We do a ton of different things at this office. Everything from treating autistic children, to cancer, to cosmetic procedures. It's pretty interesting. I like the doctor I work for too. Little greek man, very intimidating, but pretty much a lump of sugar underneath it all.

I quit the last job I had for many reasons. The two main ones were that A: I had absolutely nothing to do. I sat on my ass probably 7 out of the 8 hours I was there. It was SOOO boring. B: They made a nasty habit of bouncing my paychecks. It really pissed me off. Total with all of my bounced checks, they ended up paying around $1320.00 in overdraft fees. JUST overdraft fees. Idiots. I could not have left any sooner though. About oh 3 weeks after I left, they laid off my entire floor. All of preauth & all of accounting. It was pretty fucked up. That place is the biggest shit hole I have ever worked for, and that idiot Dr. Zigler will be out of business soon I am sure. Grr!
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Speechless [Jun. 13th, 2007|05:11 pm]
[Current Location |In my room]
[mood |melancholymelancholy]

On May 27, 2007 my friend Brian Tooley lost his battle with cancer. Since then I have been racking my brain to find the right words to document his passing appropriately. I cannot. There really is no way to do someone like Brian justice. I can only say that you meet someone like him and his twin once (well I guess twice) in a lifetime. How blessed am I to have been able to call him my friend?

The poem that his lovely wife picked for his program I believe sums him up. I honestly thought it was written specifically for him. So I will leave it at that.

My Hero is the quiet type,
no marching bands, no media hype,
but through my eyes it's plain to see,
a hero, God has sent to me.

With gentle strength and quiet pride,
all self concern is set aside,
to reach out to our fellow man,
and be there with a helping hand.

Heroes are a rarity,
a blessing to humanity.
With all they give and all they do,
I'll bet the thing you never knew,
My quiet hero has always been you.

Rest in Peace beloved Angel of many...

Brian Tooley 04/14/1977-05/27/2007
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Black Orchid [Feb. 20th, 2007|03:08 pm]
[Current Location |Work]
[mood |melancholymelancholy]
[music |Adult Easy Freakin' Listening.]

So heartbreaking to read. Not being to do anything to help ease someone's pain. Beautiful but soul crushingly sad writings. I am sorry. Nothing but love for you.

Black Orchid
Have you ever been so lonely,
No one there to hold?
Pull me in or disown me,
And then climb inside.
My arms are open wide.
Have a look inside.

It is not that I am scared to learn,
Why I'm empty inside.
hold my hand or show some concern,
If I live or die.
My eyes are open wide.
Help me look inside.

I hear the water drip from the faucet.
It's sweetly falling in tune.
I'm gently closing the closet.
I fall to the floor,
and crawl to my room.
The thought of ending it soon...
Just let me sleep in my room.

Hear me cry! cry! cry!
I hear a knock at the front door.
Don't come in!
I try to look at you
But I can't stop shaking.
Leave me alone. Just go away.
Mother I'm so scared.

Empty bed and all of the sheets are gone,
They're wrapped around me and you.
All is quiet but the drop of a gun.
I want to belong...to someone...
But maybe life's not for everyone.

You have the talent...write.
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My but it's been a while... [Jun. 13th, 2006|01:53 am]
[Current Location |In my living room]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Tori Amos]

I quit my job of three years, due to not being able to handle the inconsistencies. I loved MOST of the people I worked with, but that shit got really old. SOOO I found a new job, working at a bong factory. Which I found amussing cause I don't smoke. It was cool at first, I mean I could have purple hair, lots of piercings, and all that good stuff. Too bad my boss is a raging fucking bitch. You'd think being that she's a huge pot head she'd be chill, but no. She's stark raving mad. So that didn't work out. I am on the hunt again. It sucks ass. Sirena is still at Hard Rock, and she still likes it. She's supervisor of retail now. We are about to move apartments, which I am SOOO excited about. We have tried to clean this place up, but at some point you have to accept defeat, and just move. From what we have estimated, in order to get this place up to par, we would have to move everything into storage, and find a place to stay for three weeks, then move everything back in. With the Zoo that we have going on here, it's just not a viable option. Much easier just to move our crap into the apartment across the way, and much cheaper too. I survived Scarboro Fair. It was fun, but seriously glad it's over. Since we have to go every weekend, it gets pretty expensive. Sirena loves it so, so I go...every freakin weekend. I love my honey. Speaking of which, since I have drug Sirena all over God's creation to see Blue October, (Edgefest & a Memphis show are coming, YAY), we are going to have a Pinkpalooza weekend in July. We are seeing her in Houston on a Friday, and Dallas on Saturday. The cool thing is she is playing at TINY venunes. Sirena is really excited, and I am for her. It's pretty gay of us, don't you think? She really does have a stunning voice, and I am looking forward to the shows. I am going to try to keep this thing up, because I need to remember the reason I started it. I will do my best. Everyone send me GET A GOOD JOB vibes.
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Hate me today.... [Oct. 27th, 2005|10:51 pm]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |X Amount of Words Blue October]

Well, it's been a while...I know this. I am not really good at keeping up with this thing, but I try. Things are good. Blue October is touring again, and well...what can I even say but they are AMAZING!!! Still after all these shows, when the lights go down, and they are about to come on, with the energy so intense it feels like the place is about to blow, I still get giddy and nervous every time. We've seen four shows this year, and I am only left wanting more. The new songs are fantastic and heart breaking...Sirena actually cried during "Hate Me". She is really falling in love with the band, which makes me happy. I don't feel bad for dragging her all over God's creation to see them. Here are a few pics from the show.

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We had a good time.

On the non Blue front, life is pretty okay. I love my honey. We are doing well. Spent the day carvin' pumpkins. I finished mine pretty quick, about an hour. Sirena, on the other hand, picked a very elaborate pattern which has, as of now, taken her 4 1/2 hours. She's still carving away. She's so cute. I would have thrown that pumpkin out the window by now. She is going on Monday to her final interview at Hard Rock. I think she will have FUN there. My work sucks more than ever. I get bitched at all the live long day, and I really just don't give a shit anymore. Oh well. I will find another job, and I am out of there! Otherwise I am happy.

Oh, I need a huge favor...

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It's the proposal to ban gay marriage. My issue is the way it's worded, there can never be ANY form of legal union. No civil, common law, shit. I think that sucks, so please go out and vote. Just do it!
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Rage fading, fading, RISING, fading... [Sep. 15th, 2005|10:51 pm]
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |Will & Grace in the Background]

Well lets see, what to say what to say. I guess we can start on the home front. April decided to move out. I love her to death, but I think that it's for the best. We are trying to get rid of shit so we can get this place cleaned up, and having someone else's shit here when there isn't enough room for mine is annoying. I have been so incredible stressed these past few months, it's nice to have something settle down. Our neighbor is having money issues too, which adds to our stress, even though I know it shouldn't. It's just that she's a close friend, and it's really hard not to worry or feel bad when there's nothing else you can do. I'm hoping things get better for her. Soon! My job is going okay. We have been ridiculously busy and they won't let us have overtime, so everyday I leave a pile of shit on my desk, and they can basically suck it. If they want to be cheap bastards so be it. I like to bitch a lot, but really I have a fairly easy job, good benefits, and all the free medicine I can take. Plus they let me be the tattooed, pierced freak...so I guess it could be worse. I am trying to calm down because my anxiety level is through the roof, and poor Sirena kinda gets the bum end of the deal. I have been pretty whiny and bitchy and I feel bad. She's pretty patient with me. On a very exciting note...Blue October is coming for a Katrina Relief concert on Sunday, and I am so excited that I can barely stand it. With all that's been going on, I haven't really been paying attention, but I just realized today that it's THIS WEEKEND! Hooray! Unfortunately it falls on the same day as the Gay Pride parade. So after the show we will probably go out to the gayborhood and party it up gay style. I have been jonesing bad for some live Blue, so we have to go to that instead of the parade. October will be a great tour month, I can't wait. God help Sirena, she's got no idea how crazy I get. Concert Nazi. That is all. I am sleepy.
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Bunch of Poop. [Sep. 8th, 2005|06:31 pm]
Well I haven't updated in forever. Things have been crazy. Sirena ended up getting pretty screwed over by one of her most trusted friends. She's out $1500.00, a digital camera, and a lap top computer. It's just been stressful. We have a roommate, who we love, but weren't anticipating having. Things have settled with that finally. 5 months and no job had us at our wits end. She did find employment, and all is going better now. Things were pretty hairy for a while though. We have been just dealing with death and drama for the past few months, but we have managed to keep ourselves sane. My Aunt died from cancer in July...then my Grandmother died just last Friday. 9/2/2005. It was so hard on the whole family, but so good to see everyone. We made a pact this time to have a family reunion and not wait until the next tragedy to get together. Abuelita, te quero mucho...para toda mi vida.

And for HATE, Blue October is about to start touring again, and I am so excited. Already have my tour schedule planned out. (shut up, I know I'm lame) It's my turn to drag Sirena through my madness, because she made me go to Scarborough Faire 5 times. She's very into the Renaissance thing. Me, not so much...but I did have fun. I like making fun of all the dorks in full gear. Good times.

OOhhh! Kari moved back to Dallas!!! Yay me! I am so glad to have my best friend and God daughter home at last. She has a cute apartment not too far away. What sucks is I haven't gotten a chance to spend as much time with her as I would like, due to all the madness. Kaitlin is doing well, she's getting so big. It's crazy.

My sister started UNT and she's loving it. She's dating Joe Schmoe, and they are cute as buttons. She actually wore Sirena's prom dress to her own prom. So pretty.

Sirena is still pursuing acting, and was an extra in a movie with Selma Blair called "Night of the White Pants" Really lame title, but the story seemed pretty cool. She had a blast filming it, everyone keep your eyes peeled for it. She also hosted a pilot for a fishing show. It's supposed to be a comedy show where big boobed women fish and joke around and stuff. It's pretty cheesy, but she had fun. They did two versions, one for TV, then a topless version for DVD. (No Sirena did not get topless) It's corny, but it was a paying gig and fun to shoot.

I have decided never to cut my hair again. I have had a series of bad hair cuts, and now after the last scalping, I am going to let this chili bowl type thing grow, and just never cut my hair again. No! That's pretty much all for now, up next...random pictures. You like it.

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Sirena and I at the Faire, yes I was lame and put a flower hat on.

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N double O B L E R Noobler!

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Kelly before prom

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Sirena and I in El Paso

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Sirena at the Grille

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Tammy and I also in Hell Paso

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Sirena and Tammy...seriously, how cute are they?
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I'm controlling...now shut up and listen to me. [Jun. 20th, 2005|05:10 pm]
[mood |annoyedannoyed]
[music |Dull Buzz of the Neon Lights at work]

Let's see...were to begin. Okay I am free at last! I ripped off my cast two days before I was suppose to go get it cut off. I just couldn't stand it another second. That kind of confinement is just too much for my over anxious ass to handle. God forbid I ever break anything where I need a big cast, Lord help all who have to deal with me. Anyway I am free of the cast, my fingers are now just taped together, and it seems to be healing nicely. Still a little sore, but I'm tough.

Okay YAY news...Gary called and told me that he is not going to have to go to Iraq after all! Well not for another year or so anyway. Oh this makes me very happy! What does suck ass is that he may get stationed in Yuma, Arizona. How shitty to go from San Diego to fucking Yuma! Dude it's hot as hell there, poor Gary. He's appealing that decision though, so I hope it works out.

Sirena is doing very well. I am so proud of her. She's taking computer classes, bartending, and still attending her acting classes. She's a busy bee, and I think she's amazing. We are doing very well. Although one of her friends and I got into it. He said that I am controlling and I lead Sirena around. This pisses me off a great deal, because I do not have any control over what that girl does. Hmmm...I guess I will analyze the situation. I know I do a lot of the decision making, but only because her answer to everything is "I don't care". She's laid back and I am high strung, so it may come off that way, but one thing's for sure...Sirena will not be pushed around. I guess I should just let it go because A: I really don't give a tiny rat's ass what Jason thinks, and B: Our relationship is really none of his damn business. When Sirena confronted him about it I blew up and started screaming which makes me mad at myself, because I didn't want to come off as the crazy bitch. It just infuriated me to have him question my intentions with her. Oh well. I hate fighting with people, it sucks ass.
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Maybe someday you'll need this.... [Jun. 2nd, 2005|05:28 pm]
[mood |blahblah]
[music |Blue October]

In the day by day collision
Called the art of growing up
There's an innocence we look for in the stars
To be taken back to younger days
When there was no giving up
On the people we held closest to our hearts

Yeah it is you that I remember in that glowing
It is you that took my first away from me
It is you I set my standards to... to every walk of life
I haven't met another you since you were with me.

(Chorus) A brief bout with a razorblade cut me
I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me
In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done

In a way, I failed religion
I spit the wine from mouth to cup
And I reached for something more than just your God
Uncle, you spared not your children
And while your praying hands are up
There's no forgiveness for you! You sick fuck!

It is you that I remember in their bedroom
It is you that took their first away from them
It is you they set their standards to
You wounded them for life
You were a preacher and suppose to be above men

Sing with me
(Chorus)A brief bout with a razorblade cut me
I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me
I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me
In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done

Also..."A" if you have something to say or ask, please do so, and not in code. I blew up because of what KENC said not KM. She is the one I care about in this. To hear what SHE said still makes me tear up beacause I love her. If I thought for a second KM would be SO EVIL as to try and ruin someones life for no reason, I would not have ANY contact with her ever again. So please, don't...if you need to say something, say it. To me.If you want to hear it, I will tell you what she told me when no one, including KM, was around.
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Bruised and broken, but damn it I can see! [May. 21st, 2005|02:20 pm]
[mood |melancholymelancholy]
[music |Canvas]

It's been an interesting few weeks. I've been to Scarborough Faire at naseum. I like it, you know to go once, but man! My girlfriend has some bizarre love for that place though so I go...and I enjoy myself because it makes her happy. Going tomorrow for the 4th time, and then it's done for the year. (whew) We did have a really good time though and I'm sure tomorrow will be no different.

I got Lasik done on my eyes, and holy shit...I can see!!! Oh yes! 20/15! It's pretty awesome, although the healing madness of wearing eyeshields at night and putting the drops of fire in my eyes is starting to wear thin. One more week and I will be done and happy! Easy little procedure, not as scary as I thought it would be.

I have a boxer's fracture of my right hand. Basically I broke my pinky. How, you ask? I got into a fight with a brick wall. Brilliant, I know. No, I got some rather disturbing news on Tuesday, and in a moment of blind rage I punched a brick wall to avoid having my head explode in anger. It's been a VERY long time if ever that something has pissed me off that bad. I honestly don't really remember actually hitting the wall, but I did. It didn't actually hurt, but later in the night my hand was very swollen and disfigured. My bone actually got shoved in the back of my hand, so I had Sirena set it when I wasn't paying attention. I could have done without that, but she fixed it per the x rays. Now I have this lovely contraption holding my bones together, and it's so annoying I would like to rip off my arm and beat myself with it. Not the smartest thing I have done, I know. It sure didn't help Kari or Kaitlin at all so now I'm just here with a broken hand...oh well.

I got a letter in the mail today from CPL Jessica Castleberry thanking me for the package I sent. She's a Marine so I am assuming it's the one I sent Gary. That made me happy. I am going to write her back and offer to send her stuff too. I feel so bad for our troops out there. Gary found out he has to go back to Iraq in August. This sucks because he JUST got home like a month ago. He wasn't suppose to have to go for a year and 1/2. He's pretty upset, be he's going...being brave. I'm SO glad Craigory got stationed in Dallas. I feel SO much relief for his parents, Rene, & Gryphon.

Since my hand is broken I am done for now, hurts. I shall finish later. Smooches!
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